she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
