I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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