I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
