u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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