Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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