Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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