Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
