if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
