i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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