He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
