We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
