she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
