Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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