Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
