I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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