did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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