Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
