Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
