Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
