whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
