so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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