Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
