capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
