The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
