I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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