...so i touched it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
