i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
