please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
