my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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