K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
