genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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