when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love having hate sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
