U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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