Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
