Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
