we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
