Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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