Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
not ubering you a puppy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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