life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
