I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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