Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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