I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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