Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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