Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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