can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize