I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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