you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
