Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
