I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
