I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
