dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize