I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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