i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
