She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
