I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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