I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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