3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
