I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
