Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
