i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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