AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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