and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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