I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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