Duck Duck Cougar?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
