I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
