the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
