The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
