Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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