id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
