I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
