It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
