new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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