If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
