I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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