Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
barbara walters just said penis...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize