Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A bitchslap is in order.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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